Featured Sparkling: Sage Rat 2020 Nebbiolo Pét-Nat
“‘Hey, hey. Easy, man. It’s cool. Rosé all day,’ exclaims a magnum of Summer Water, desperately trying to keep the peace while simultaneously sweating beads of condensation. ‘F*ck you,’ replies the pét-nat, kicking over a display of Miraval as glass shatters all over the street in glittering shards. A bottle of Whispering Angel gasps.”
A cottonmouth-dry bubbly red chockablock with velvety mauve foam, warm burst blueberry sweet-tartness, and all the refreshment of fruit punch Gatorade. A+.
The G.O.A.T. Country Time pink lemonade and a hazy grapefruit mimosa playing footsie under the table (get a room).
What would happen if Hades of the Underworld took over operations at Ocean Spray.
Part-bubbly pink wine, part-rebellious badass.
The name leaves very little to the imagination - this is truly fun juice.
This field blend of Cab Franc, Noiret and Riesling sports a sharp funky brininess you’d get from a jar of Kalamata olives, but to be clear, this is no liquified Greek salad.
Practically begging you to serve it with a hunk of Trader Joe’s unexpected cheddar and black pepper crackers. Don’t make it beg.
Wondering what it might be like to shove as many lemon Sour Patch Kids into your mouth before they start to erode your tooth enamel? Wonder no longer.
A coral-colored spritzer with a bready tang that’d fool your beer nerd friends into thinking it’s a sour peach saison.
What would the townspeople of “Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs” do if six-pound honeydews hurled toward Earth? That would be a very different kind of book.
You just found your new favorite sushi night bubbles.
Not too sudsy with the fizz, picture a jacuzzi that needs maintenance (and also smells like smoked citrus, strawberries, and prosciutto).
Like a granny smith apple that went to art school but didn’t give a sh*t.
Cranberry-pomegranate popsicle vibes with toasty vanilla bean and macadamia nut swag.
Expect bright, vinegar-y olive twang that later gives way to nutty amaretti cookies crumbled on top of fresh strawberry preserves. Or something like that.
Purple grape soda for grown adults and their mediocre delivery pizzas.
A can of funky juice perfect for yard work - things like yelling “I’m not mad at you, just disappointed” at your underripe snap peas.
Welcome to the Fruit Zone. It tastes like lilikoi-pineapple shrub and pink Starbursts.
Celebrating someone who isn’t you? Steal their thunder with these exceptional party bubbles.
In this purely fictional tale, Mike of Mike’s Hard Lemonade grows the f*ck up and makes an actually-stupendous alcoholic beverage.
Like a frosty scoop of grapefruit-prickly pear sorbet topped with candied orange zest, and none of the brain freeze.
You wanna sip on your stoop for hours doing nothing but blasting Biggie raps and flipping off pigeons who look at you the wrong way? Do that with this nectarine-y, butterscotch-gold elixir.
Bringing a six-pack of beer to a barbecue? Yawn. Dare to be different. Dare to be dolcetto.
Looks like a sleep paralysis demon version of the Trix Rabbit, and tastes like watermelon yogurt. That can’t be a coincidence. It just can’t.
Is this my favorite dry sparkling white of all time? Ask me again in five years, but probably.
Turns out, this piquette has a lot in common with Bath & Body Works, a.k.a. The Cheesecake Factory of hand soap.
Mushroom-y, umami Maggi-like saltiness with a kick of balsamic that shapeshifts to a crisp, action cartoon-style “POW!” of strawberry-rhubarb pie.
What every liter of cranberry Canada Dry yearns to become.
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