Tasting Notes

OK, so there’s this website called Vivino, and it’s kinda like Yelp, but for wine. I know, sounds like a disaster. But sometimes, it’s helpful to see if other people sniffed out the same aromas you did, like the kaffir lime leaf in whatever semillon you drank in the bathroom while avoiding your blind date, or the cloves in the merlot you drank in the bathroom while avoiding your family at Thanksgiving (hey, you OK?). But sometimes, there are people like this: for anonymity we’ll call this person Kailin Burke or something. Kailin Burke penned a review of the rosé you see before you. Kailin Burke wrote, “f*cking gross honestly shame on them”. You’d think that someone like Kailin Burke would create a Vivino account just to sh*t on a particular wine, but that’s actually not the case. Vivino Critic Kailin Burke has 65 Vivino posts, and in case you’re wondering, they’re all as dazzling as that one. To Kailin Burke, Gaspard’s 2016 Pinot Noir is “a pathetic pinot.” That’s the entire review. After a 2017 Rosé from La Clarine Farm, Kailin Burke thought it was “pretty good i don’t love rosè tho and if peter buys me one more bottle it’s over”. Regarding a Philippe Pibarot Luteva, Kailin Burke raved, “delish! drank this today crying over getting fired xoxoxo yum". More reviews by Kailin Burke include: “absolutely FOUL but just realized it’s a dessert wine so there u go elgh”, “pretty good and boring orange”, “it’s just like ... a dry white is kinda boring these days idk”, and my personal favorite, “cool”. I think Kailin Burke is my hero? But at the same time, Kailin Burke, you can take a hike, because Acid Freak is, in my opinion, pretty awesome.

Here’s what my dueling Vivino review would say: This wild and appropriately-trippy rosé is a snow cone seeping with hibiscus flower and sour cherry syrup. It’s smoked cinnamon bar nuts. It’s Celestial Seasonings red zinger tea. It’s not f*cking gross, Kailin Burke. It’s f*cking great.